Hula in the Coola
by got2BaBabeFan
Summary: Feb. 1st is Hula in the Coola Day. See story for explanation. I apologize in advance if you wet yourself. You'll know what I mean, it was close. This is story 3 in the series of unusual holidays. Hope you all enjoy. Morelli is mentioned and only his pride was damaged. Lester never learns does he?


Disclaimer: Not mine

AN: Thank you for the wonderful reviews on the first two stories in this series. I do appreciate them. I'm so glad everyone is enjoying these stories. I love coming up with ideas to go with these crazy holidays.

There is no beta on this so all mistakes are mine.

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From What the heck holidays dot com:

**Origins: **Hula in the Coola Day was created because, basically, people in the northern states were getting sick and tired of the crappy cold weather during the winter, and by February, they were ready for some HEAT already! So they decided to buy some hula skirts, toss their coats, mittens, pants, and scarves into a closet for the day, and go outside and do the hula like idiots who are trying to catch pneumonia. They thought that, if they tried hard enough, they could simply forget about the cold weather and trick themselves into thinking it was the nice, hot summer. (Apparently, accomplishing this means having to go outside in nothing but a grass skirt and some coconut shells and dancing.)

**Other Interesting Tid-Bits: **Umm, how much more interesting does it GET?! Well, one of the other traditions of Hula in the Coola Day is drinking cold, Bahama-style drinks. (So you can be cold on the outside AND on the inside! Hey, maybe they can actually succeed in freezing their blood lines!)

Ok, February 1 is also Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. They kinda go together, don't they? This could be fun.

Check out the recipe on Martha

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**RANGER POV**

Like I said before, I know when my Babe and Ella are up to something. Now don't tell Stephanie this but we've been in a relationship and living together for a few weeks, ever since that ridiculous Cuddle up Day. If she wanted me in bed all she had to do was say so. I mean who am I to refuse? We don't have sex, we make love. I never knew there was a difference until that first time with her so long ago. I was stupid to send her back to the cop who couldn't appreciate her but then again, I was still running missions back then and building Rangeman. Now I don't need to live so dangerously. Stephanie has issues with commitment. I do as well but I think I've adjusted to this relationship and living together pretty well. I don't complain that Rex is on the counter. I don't complain about her things strewn all over the apartment or all the beauty products in the bathroom. I like everything neat and tidy, it's the military way but Babe isn't military, neat or tidy. She's alive in a way I've never been. I like the homey touches that have been added over the last couple of weeks. There's a throw over the back of the couch and pictures on the wall. Ella has a vase of flowers on the table; I never really noticed them before. I'm worried Stephanie will freak out when she realizes she only has her out of season clothes at her apartment along with some towels. She always lived out of a laundry basket at Morelli's but she has over half of my closet and her own lingerie chest.

As I said Babe and Ella are up to something. I knew something was going on and they served pie to the men for National Pie Day. I have no idea what they are up to maybe a Groundhog Day celebration. Stephanie would find that ugly groundhog cute. I mean she has a hamster for a pet and talks to it. Tank talks to his kittens but that I can understand. We had a kitten when I was a kid, I like cats. They are sleek, sexy and sneaky. Like me. Personally I think Groundhog Day is stupid, I mean spring is six weeks away why does anyone think some furry animal seeing his shadow will change that?

I came back upstairs from my morning workout and I found Stephanie walking into the kitchen. I dropped a kiss on the top of her head; she's already showered and won't want me to get her sweaty. Sometimes she's such a girl. "What are you up to today?"

She gave me her beautiful mischievous smile. "Nothing much."

"I heard Lester lost his last bet with you," I stated.

"Yeah, what a dumbass. I'd know if Mary Lou was ever in a porno. It's not something you can hide from the Burg and never from your best friend. Seriously, that name. She has way more class than to call herself Pussy Lamore," I laughed.

I gave her a smile; "Too bad you already showered," with that I sauntered into the bedroom. I took a quick shower and dressed in my bad-ass black. I walked out of the bedroom to see Babe sitting at the breakfast bar eating a tub of Ben &amp; Jerry's ice cream. "Babe."

"It's National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day," was her reply.

"Knew there'd be an explanation," I sighed. How can she eat such crap? I worry what will happen when she can't eat like that anymore, I'd hate to see her with Diabetes or Heart Disease. I want her around for many years to come.

"So," she began, "we have a way to get even with Lester and based on his loss of that bet he has to do it. My concern is that what I have planned will ruin the bad-ass Rangerman image."

Christ, what the hell is she up to for that to worry her. I steeled myself for her answer. I didn't have to say anything just raised one eyebrow.

"Well, it's Hula in the Coola Day today too," she continued.

I'm not liking the sound of this, I know our image will take a hit but then again I get to see Lester humiliated. He let it spill to Mama about Stephanie and now we have to go for dinner there later tonight. That is, after another disaster dinner at the Plum's. Her grandmother is enough to make any man's balls shrivel and crawl back up. Thank god she decided I was hands off yesterday, but that meant that when Morelli showed up she was all over him. It was difficult not to smile, in fact, Frank led me out back to the garage where we had a cigar, beer and a good belly laugh over Morelli's girl like screams. "And…" I started.

"Well, Ella found grass skirts and coconut bras to fit the guys and a recipe from Martha Stewart's website that has sweetened cream of coconut, cubed pineapple, lemon juice and ice cubes. We're adding rum and the red plastic cups will have little umbrellas. I guess that means Hula in the Coola is an official holiday; it has its own food. Seriously, you can google it," she said. She took a breath and continued, "the guys will have to go outside and drink the fruity drinks and perform the hula dressed in the skirts and bras. Nothing else, well I guess tidy whiteys if they have them."

I almost busted a gut. Honestly I couldn't hold it in. Where the hell Ella found a grass skirt and coconut bra big enough to fit Tank I'll never know. I began to laugh really hard, tears were running down my cheeks. "Babe, I wouldn't mind seeing you in a grass skirt and coconut bra but the men. Lester is going to be taken to the mats every day for the next month."

"I know right," she giggled.

She slid off the stool and I followed her downstairs. I had paperwork on my desk to work on and honestly I didn't want to miss her telling Lester what he had to do. We climbed into the elevator and stood with her back against my front and my arms around her. I loved holding her and letting everyone know she was mine. We stepped into the Control Room and the buzz decreased because of me. The men never chit chatted before my Babe was around. I saw candy all over the place. Candy necklaces were around the men's necks and draped across the cubicles, pastel colored Hershey kisses were lined along the top of the cubicle walls. I saw Lester sucking on a ring pop. Seriously, my nieces wore them; they were around five years old. I saw Bobby eating a package of fun dip. What the heck is going on? I peered into the break room and saw empty plastic tubs with melted ice cream and Binkie was actually licking the ice cream out of a tub. I just shook my head.

"Babe what the heck is going on?"

"Ella and I got these tubs of ice cream at Costco for the guys. I told you it was Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. It's also Decorate With Candy Day so we put candy all over and gave out goody bags like when we were kids. These bags had candy bars, fun dip, smarties, gummy bears, ring pops, candy necklaces and small bags of M&amp;M's and Reece's Pieces. I'm actually a little worried about the guys on a sugar high."

"Babe, I hope they get in extra gym time and still pass their physicals next week," was all I said.

"I'm sure it'll be fine Ranger. Don't sweat it. Now for the piece d'la resistance," she said in a bad French accent. "Oh, Lester…"

This was the part I was waiting for. I saw Ella walk over with two huge garbage bags. This was gonna be good.

Lester saunters over with chocolate on the corner of his lip. He had that look in his eyes he gets when he's up to something. "There you are Beautiful. Finally decide to give up living with that stick in the mud cousin of mine. I mean he may be pretty to look at but he's got a 2x4 shoved up his ass."

I heard everyone suck in a breath of air. He's always pushing but I think the sugar short circuited his brain. "Santos" I barked, "mats 0400 and I'll show you that I may be pretty but I can still kick your ass all over the gym. Then you can put in a twenty mile run with a full pack and gear." I heard the men groan. No one missed those days from the military. I don't care if you were Army, Navy, Marine or Air Force. Every branch did that for punishment. "Oh, and Lester, you can double time it as well."

Lester groaned, "Isn't anyone gonna save me?"

Bobby smirked "Uh… no… no one wants to join your dumbass. You never learn to stop pushing it."

Babe smiled "At least you and the guys can have fun today. Everyone who bet with Lester against me," she pulled a list out of her back pocket, "that would be "Lester, Bobby, Tank, Cal, Hal, Binkie, Ram, Vince, Junior, and Slick. Well guys you get to celebrate Hula in the Coola."

Tank began to sweat; I saw it on his forehead. He should know better than to cross Babe or bet against her. "Uh… Bombshell, what is Hula in the Coola?"

I heard the mean begin to get nervous and agree with Tank. This was going to be even better than I expected.

"Well, you get to pick an item from each bag Ella is holding. It's your costume and all you're allowed to wear. You will put it on and go outside with your fruity drinks that Ella prepared. Oh I forgot," she said as she grabbed the leis from Luis. "You can wear one of these as well." The grumbling got louder. "And you get to perform the hula outside on the sidewalk."

Lester went first and grabbed an item from each bag, held it up and said "Oh hell no. I ain't going outside dressed like that. I don't even know how to hula."

Babe gave him her Burg death glare and turned it on the other men as they began agreeing with Lester. "Are you welshing on your bet? Didn't you say you'd do anything I wanted?"

"Well, yeah, this is humiliation and we'll catch a cold," Vince said.

"Oh and if it was me, it would be ok to make me do something humiliating?"

"That's different," Slick said, "you always roll in garbage and stuff. We're bad-asses."

"Well I guess I can do something else. Now you can wear the costumes and leis with nothing underneath. Guess you'll just freeze your balls off now," she yelled.

I couldn't stay out of it any longer. "Men, you will do as instructed. You lost the bet. If you think what she's asking is humiliating then what do you think I'd have you do? Do you want me to come up with a punishment?"

They started talking all at once. "No, Ranger, we'll do what Bombshell wants."

I saw the smile on her face as well as Ella and Luis. They were looking forward to the men doing the hula. I smiled and went to my office whistling, today may have people questioning whether we are a bunch of bad-asses but let them push it and they will find out.

**_A few hours later…_**

If the men don't stop fooling around I'm going to kick each one of their asses. They are all on a sugar high. I'll have to have a talk with Stephanie and Ella about the sugary foods for her crazy holidays. I don't want the men letting the skips get away because they are out of shape. I'll need to increase their gym time. It'll be mandatory; I felt the evil smile tilt my lips. I think that will teach them. I heard a knock on my door, I barked "Enter."

Babe walked through the door, "Are you ready for the big event?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "Let's round up the troops."

**Stephanie's POV**

I gathered the guys up and couldn't help laughing. I did relent and allow them to wear their Army green boxers. I invited Grandma to watch and she was bundled up on the sidewalk with Mary Lou, Lula and Connie. I decided that the guys were safer with the boxers. I mean could you see Grandma if they were allowed to freeball it?

The guys grumbled as they entered the lobby. I wasn't worried Ranger had my back. I watched them walk out in their outfits. I swear ya gotta wonder about Lester. He had the flower ring on his head too. I have no clue where it came from but he looked really funny. I watched Hector turn on his I-phone to play a song suitable for a hula. The guys stood in a line and performed the hula in their combat boots, grass skirts over boxers, coconut bras and leis. It went on for a whole song. Ella handed out the drinks. The guys were shivering and I finally allowed them to go inside and I said "That was a hula in the coola. Hope ya all enjoyed." There was quite a crowd of cops, women and the curious.

When we entered the lobby Luis had cups of hot cocoa for me, Mary Lou, Ella, Connie and Grandma. Then he handed Ranger green tea. I just shook my head. Grandma was the most vocal in her appreciation as the guys jogged over to the stairs. They were planning hot showers to warm up. "Baby granddaughter that was some show. I never saw so much muscle in my life. I was disappointed in their packages though. They seemed a little small."

I heard Ranger choke on his tea. "Grandma, it was cold. I'm sure that was a factor."

**Ranger POV**

I couldn't believe what the men did. Lester was swinging his hips like no man I'd ever seen. Hector was cheering in appreciation while filming the whole thing. I saw Stephanie's grandma enjoying herself. I couldn't wait for Tia Camila to see her little boy doing the hula. Lester was on a sugar high like I'd never seen. She'll knock him down a few pegs. He doesn't listen to me ever.

I watched Babe giggle, clap and cheer when Hal fell on the ice. Thank god he had on boxers. It's not like we haven't seen each other naked before but I don't want to see them if I don't have to. Plus, Grandma Mazur might have a heart attack. She was frozen when she saw me naked. I felt the shudder run through my body. The men would at least think it was due to the cold and never know about that. I don't know what Babe did to get her to promise never to tell anyone but I'd be forever grateful.

When it was over, we went inside and I was handed a cup of hot green tea. My Babe always made sure I had something to fit my diet. I could indulge on occasion and would to make her happy but she knew I preferred not to have added sugar in my diet. I heard her grandmother complain about the size of the men and almost choked. It was a balmy 31 degrees with wind chill. The men lucked out, it was a heat wave compared to later in the week. Still, cold enough to allow for shrinkage, but that will take Lester down a few pegs.

I watched the men come back into the lobby dressed in sweatshirts and cargo pants. They grabbed cups of hot cocoa or tea. I heard Lester and Bobby trying to explain the effect of cold air on them to Stephanie's grandmother. They are letting their pride get in the way of intelligence. I'd rather let her think I was small then have her feeling me up. I watched as Hector used his phone to take video of them. Grandma couldn't resist and walked around feeling up the men. There were girly shouts as they felt cold boney fingers.

I eventually had to break up the party saying Stephanie and I had to leave to go to my parents for dinner. I heard Lula say "My, my Tank, it seems having those kittens around have had a deflating effect on your manhood. If you're looking to get reinflated I'll be home tonight."

I watched the big man blush. I could only tell because I've known him for so long. "I'll be over later my little love bug," he said.

Love bug? Christ that's worse for the image than watching them hula this afternoon. I may have to send them back to boot camp to regain their manhood. I watched the women leave and we walked to the Cayenne. It was supposed to snow later tonight and I thought it would handle better than the Turbo.

Lester walked over, shuffling his feet. He pouted as he asked, "Can I ride with you guys? I'm feeling lonely, mom?"

My Babe giggled at him. "Sure, baby Lester but maybe you can talk like a big boy or you might need grandma to come back and give you a spanking."

It was only because of years of training that neither of us showed a reaction. Lester knew when he was in trouble so he just said "Ok Beautiful. I'll act like a man. I don't need your Grandma back over here. She's truly scary."

The drive to my parent home was quiet; I know my Babe was nervous. She had no reason to be. I knew they'd love her. How could anyone not? Morelli's Grandma Bella and Joyce Barnhardt were the only people I knew who truly didn't like her. I think it was because they were jealous. We pulled up to their home and walked into the front door.

Tia Camila grabbed Lester by the ear. I had sent her the videos Hector took. "What the hell is wrong with you? How are you ever going to give me grandbabies if you are dancing with men in skirts and coconut bras? Your hips swung more than your Cousin Antonella when she was looking for a husband. Her hips are a mile wide," she yelled.

I watched Lester plead, beg, whine and cajole but nothing worked. He tried to blame me and my Babe. That didn't go far. Everyone in the family knew they knew I'd never have anything to do with the hula. My reputation is always good for protecting me from the family. Now Babe, well, they know enough about her from my stories and Lester's to know she was provoked.

As the evening progressed, I watched my family fawn over Stephanie and she enjoyed it. My family treated her better than her own mother did. Stephanie was made to feel loved and like she belonged. Tia Camila laughed when Lester went to the bathroom saying she loved her way of getting even with him. He'll learn one day. We drove home carefully due to the storm and once we made it up to the apartment we celebrated in our own way. My Babe did her version of the hula in her grass skirt and coconut bra and believe me there was no shrinkage in the apartment that night.


End file.
